Wednesday, 30 November 2011

I'm not as perfect as I appear to be...

I guess I can say I'm not perfect.. Maybe I'm one of the most flawed human being on earth.
I have anger management issues, I'm moody and maybe its cause I refuse to share anything with anyone.
I can go from being super happy to super sad the next.
And I type this because I feel as if I need to release some of the pent up frustration/anger/whatever you call it inside.

I guess I really never had an awesome childhood nor an awesome teenage life and maybe thats why I'm such an introvert.
Even right now, I swear none of my poly friends has yet to see me for who I am.
And those friends that I share all my frustrations with, eventually just leave me to deal with it alone.
So I learnt to hide my sadness away with a smile.
Sometimes, the brighter I smile, the more I hurt inside. But who knows?
Afterall, its what is outside that counts doesn't it.
I wish I can scream and shout at someone.
And I get super angry that nobody ever has the time to hear me out.
My problems are worth your 8 hours of daily sleep so you know how frustrated I'm.
I can't even let my tears fall else my mum will get worried.
So I quietly cry at night.
I feel like screaming at the world. But I can't
So I put on my bravest expression and face the world everyday.

I know I'm breaking apart slowly. The cracks are becoming more defined. But who are there to help and who aren't...

I'm tired of always giving in to everyone. I'm tired of always taking the initiative to do things right all the time.
I'm tired of withstanding crap from people who just wanna bring me down.
And worse of all, I'm tired of being myself.
For having to worry about school, work, life, everyone..
I worry for people when they don't even give a damn what happens to me. I worry for the wrong people.
I worry too much...

I wish one day, I could just let go...
I wish I could be free one day.

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