Friday, 13 January 2012

Day 5: A letter to my parents

Oh gosh ><
Sorry for the day's late post. But here goes.
Ok, I never really did thanked my parents for anything that they have done for me and I feel bad about how I treat them sometimes (not that I'm really bad of course) *scoffs*

So, I hope that this post, will somehow remind myself of how I love my parents. Even when I'm 40 and I have kids who shout and scream at me and tell me to fuck off (I don't do that), I will look back on this post and be reminded, that somehow, my kids love me a lot.

I will address my mum and dad separately, because, they deserve different kind of recognition for what they've done for me in the past 18 years of my life.

Dear Mummy,
I just want to start off with, I love you. I'm sorry I never ever really told you because I'm shy and embarrassed to say it to you. And whenever I do say that I love you, I would say it grumpily and reluctantly but I'm really happy that I actually get to tell you that.

A teacher from my school, once told me to treasure everyday that I have with you and daddy. Because after each day, is a day less that I get to spend with you. That made me cry. Because I can't imagine a world without you and daddy in it. 

I know I may be bad. Be disobedient and like to talk back. I know I don't like to help out with the household chores and like to grumble when I'm supposed to do a chore for you. I'm sorry.
I love you mummy. And I know you love me alot too even if you don't say it out. 
Through the way you always give me the softest plum or gruffly tell me that I'm your daughter and I can ask you for anything..
These are the little actions that let me know how much you love me too.

Dear daddy,
I always bully you somehow. I know I never really told you I love you too. In fact, I never really fell into your arms or even accept your offer of a hug because I'm somehow embarrassed to do that. I know you love me a lot by the way you ask me to study, ask me to work hard for my future. I know that you may be harsh at times, hurting me with your words but I know that its for my own good.

Sometimes, I find myself a daddy's girl. Asking you to cut my nails for me when it chips or when it gets too long. Asking you to always get me the things I love. I feel so evil ._.
Somehow though, I feel as if I lack your love. Maybe its because you were always so busy with your work or maybe because you always hit me when I was a kid. 
I feel alienated from you but when you try to reach out to me, I push you away. 

Sorry daddy, I know I'm a bad daughter. 
I can't study well. I only know how to talk back to you and be sarcastic to you. I know that at times, you are super angry at me because you found my stash of cigarettes (when I was 15), when mummy found the love bite on my neck (I swear it was just a friendly playful bite from my friend). I know that since then, I have done everything to try to be against you.

To the both of you,
I love you two. No matter what. Don't ever forget that. Mummy you are like a friend to me. Sorry I ran away from home last time and make you worry about me. Sorry for always making you hurt....
Daddy, you are fierce but super weird/cool/lame/cute. Sorry for constantly making you worry about me. 

Love your daughter always,
Amanda Misaki Sea

p.s: after this emotional post, I have no mood to do a craving post. Furthermore, I do not have as much craving for anything because all has been satisfied so I shall wait until tomorrow when I randomly have one of my "I-think-i-m-pregnant-but-i-have-this-weird-craving-for..." mood

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