Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Insecurities, doubts and generally bad feelings

I just came out of a painful situation. And I don't exactly know what I'm feeling now. 
But I just wanted to say something... 

I don't think I'm protected. I don't think I'm perfect and I don't think I deserved to be loved by anyone. 
Point taken.

I don't get why some people are envious of my life. 
It sucks to know that I'm not pretty enough not to use makeup everyday. It sucks to know that I have to put powder to cover my flaws and my imperfection and draw a bloody thick eyeliner so that my eyes look like I haven't been crying the whole night long.
Yes, I know some of my classmate probably hates me. They probably think I'm superficial because I put powder and make up to school but that's because I want to look presentable. 

Do you think I feel good about myself? Of course not. 
I only ate sandwiches in school because I didn't want to be judge as a bloody fat pig. 
I know what my classmates are saying behind my back and I know what they think of me. They think I'm fat. Maybe I'm but who are you to judge me.

I'm already as insecure as I ever can be and nothing ever seems to go my way. My haircut is a mess and my life is a mess. I am trying to struggle to pick up the pieces of my life so who are you to judge me.
Or is it because I'm quiet? Too quiet so that you think I'm a pushover?
You're right. 
I'm a pushover. I don't retaliate when I know who you are and what you are saying behind my back. 

Heck, if you slapped me I wouldn't even bother scolding you or returning your slap. 

Yes, I'm insecure about my looks, I think about going for plastic surgery before.
Yes, I'm insecure about my weight, I take diet pills.
What else do you want to say about me?


1 comment:

  1. Nice blog. You might like this quote about pretty and beautiful people. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/quotation-spot_17.html

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